The Great British Press is renowned throughout the world for the acuity, depth and balance of its political coverage and it is surely a monument to our democracy. Thus, when Prescott plays away or wastes the country’s resources on croquet, when Gordon has his teeth polished to outstrip Tony’s chirpier choppers, the Great British Press can always be relied upon to give due prominence to such important news. Be warned Heather, your past is of global interest and no screens will protect you. Thus also, when Chavez visited London, the Great British Press went out of its way, in a quasi-neurotic frenzy of fairness, to denigrate a person who stole his country’s oil from respectable capitalists for the benefit of his people and did not have the decency to pay any compensation. He also had the cheek to lift peasants from poverty, disease and illiteracy, the bastard, and, sin of all sins, he was elected to do so. None of this dastardly regressive action escaped the watchful eyes of Heffer and his like. Nor did the treacherous and dumb film director Ken Loach have any chance with The Wind That Shakes The Barley. The silly judges of Cannes, full of Mediterranean hot air and plonk, needed their unanimous brains tested to throw away a Palme d’or on this anti-British rubbish. Thank God for the intelligence of the Press.What would we know, how could we form judgements without your guidance and management? And where are the Ashford millions?
CHEZ LE COIFFEUR
LC ‘That will be £250, Madam’
CB ‘ A real snip, especially as the Party is paying. I really am a credit to it.’
LC ‘Something for the weekend, Madam?’
CB ‘You must be joking. I’m Catholic.
LC ‘They are free, Madam.’
CB ‘Well, in that case, count me in. I can always sell them on to Twoshags. Give me two large boxes. Have you got them in cocktail sausage fit? And here’s something for you.’
LC ‘Spray on dung soak, madam, just what I’ve always wanted.’